adventures in boyhood

turns out that the oprah book club memoir "a million little pieces" is closer to a work of fiction than a memoir.  According to The Smoking Gun website:

Of course, if "A Million Little Pieces" was fictional, just some overheated stories of woe, heartache, and debauchery cooked up by a wannabe author, it probably would not get published. As it was, Frey’s original manuscript was rejected by 17 publishers before being accepted by industry titan Nan Talese, who runs a respected boutique imprint at Doubleday (Talese reportedly paid Frey a $50,000 advance). According to a February 2003 New York Observer story by Joe Hagan, Frey originally tried to sell the book as a fictional work, but the Talese imprint "declined to publish it as such." A retooled manuscript, presumably with all the fake stuff excised, was published in April 2003 amid a major publicity campaign.

turns out that his alleged crime sprees were grossly exaggerated if not completely made up.  James Frey is in fact not such a bad guy as much as he’d like us to believe otherwise.

so was this simply to sell books?  perhaps.  Memoirs are the genre of the day.  Seems more likely to me that he was doing what boys and men do everyday, he was looking tough.  To look at a photo of this man you’d think him to be a kind of nutty professor type with a tweed sport coat and a pipe the more likely outfit than prison stripes.  his look doesn’t give much of a "bad ass" impression.  perhaps this man wanted to say what all men want to say:  "I’m tough, i can protect myself, and I’m so much more interesting than I look.  Respect me."

Last night i watched a show called "raising Cain" about the disservice that our country had done to it’s young boys.  With the advent of school shootings and youth violence, we have gone from coddling our boys to fearing them.  It seems to me that Frey has taken a normal teenage bravado of talking shit (although slightly misplaced on an adult his age) and made a fortune off of it calling it a memoir.

I’ve never read the book, but i hear it’s a good story.  Sounds a little sensationalistic, but a page turner nonetheless.  And although his posturing doesn’t really bother me, his constant and consistent denial that anything in his book is less than true seems more intriguing to me.  I’m sure he was a boozer, a user and a looser, but admitting he spent a few hours in jail instead of three months doesn’t make his book any less interesting.  Instead, it makes him less interesting.  that’s what this is really all about.

I know I’m relatively new to this manhood thing, but i want to say that i think honesty is more important than how often you can swear and how many months you spent in jail.  i wouldn’t mind making "a million little dollars" i just wonder at what cost.  my integrity is worth more than that.  i think that’s being a man.

long time, no post.  this is a worthy occasion to begin again. 

one year ago today was the first morning since puberty where i woke up without boobs.  this self-designed body had become such a part of me that the event almost went completely unnoticed, almost became a moment that I’d remember, days later and wonder if i should have commemorated it in some way.  Instead, my friend meg managed to remember one of the most monumental events in my life that i just happened to forget.  Thank God we were already out at a bar so we could toast my man chest.  still, i was left with this lingering feeling that it was something i should have remembered myself.

That year seems so far from where my life is now.  I have finished school, left new york and moved in with my girlfriend.  I no longer have a studio in which to stare at myself day in and day out, recording every change on paper.  Perhaps it isn’t that this change has been so natural as to fade into the background but rather that i no longer have time to marvel at the changes i have had the amazing opportunities to experience.

I no longer worry about hiding my chest, i no longer worry about speaking and my feminine voice giving me away.  both are quite to the contrary.  now i worry about hiding my drivers license and my social security card giving me away.  Today, i have gone from battling the world’s perception of me on a daily basis.  I rarely get called anything but "sir" when I’m out in public.  The fear and discomfort isn’t as near to the surface, but the stakes somehow seem higher.  will i loose a job when people find out?  how often do i not even apply for a job because i fear this will be the case?  i don’t know the answers to these questions.  what i do know is that people continue to surprise me.  after all, two years ago today i never would have imagined looking in the mirror like i did last night and examining my new chest hair.

one year ago today i was lying in bed, tubes sucking fluid out of my chest.  bandages covered the place breasts used to occupy and a compression vest held skin against muscle.  this morning i woke up, scratched at an itch just below my scar before throwing on a t-shirt and stumbling down to work. 

i’ll be posting some craft directions once pearl has an actual inventory again and i can try some stuff out.  until then i need to pay homage to another knittin’ fool.  this stuff is awesome.  really.  and he’s just so cute and hardcore you gotta love him.

www.coolboysknit.com

check it.

oh my god, like….

today the coffee disturbance is happenin’ early.  only an hour into my day.  three girls, one of whom is discussing her wedding at a sound level riveling that of a jet plane or rock concert.  we’ve already gone through how many flower girls she wants, the dress, that she’s "not the kind of girl that’s alwasy dreamed of her perfect wedding" (yet everything seems to be planned) and now we’re on to tents. now i’m going to transcribe so you don’t have to miss anything….

"but what we wanted to do was something like food that was like mexican, a mexican breakfast thing, and a columbian bakery and have them make different baked goods and have little signs that tells what it is and how it’s representitive of us and our life together.  and like have little things explaining and have, like, fair trade coffee, of course, and it will probably be a little more expensive than making it ourselves which we thought of.  we’re still trying to figgure out if the church is going to charge us for using their stuff and they have these brown chairs but they’re sooooo ugly so we were going to trying to rent chairs…."

i’ll spare you anymore  no no, one more.  "so the photographer is like a archiological photographer, or anthropological, or he’s like a journalist or something so they’re not going to be like your normal wedding photos.  i mean, he thinks outside that."

they’re chasing people out of the shop.  amazing.

ok, now i’m done.  so far i’ve had one customer exclaim at how riviting a conversation it is, and another guy ask if they could possibly talk any louder.  i should have given them cold coffee so the will NEVER COME BACK.

i’m still looking for the craft of the day, but it will have to be amazing to top the human digestive system.  i better get looking….

i’ve been myspace blogging more than friendstering it, and for those that visit both i try to mix it up when i write both places, but frankly, i’m not that interesting so don’t bother reading both blogs.  they’re the same post.

i’ve been trying to hook you good folks up with a craft of the day every time i post so you get something out of your visit, along with a look at the most notable coffee customer of the day.

today’s big coffee annoyance was not a customer, but rather the passive agressive memo from "janelle ketchem, co-owner jouvay java" as she likes to call herself.  it was all about closing duties and how they aren’t being done properly.  this is fine and in and of itself but it’s worded so rediculously that i can’t help but be annoyed and amused at the same time.  this is why i’m going to share it with all of you. 

"this memo serves as notification that the cleaning checklist will be reviewed every day and will be taken seriously.  please do not check off items from the checklist if they are not completed.  if something on the checklist cannot be completed, write an explanation on the back of the checklist with the reason as to why it was not completed.  the checklist should be worked on throughout the day, especially during the hours that the store is not busy.  please do not wait until the end of the day to work on the checklist.  "

now, this is all well and good, but it seems that once you point out in a memo that something is to be taken seriously you kind of loose credibility.  secondly, you can’t really do most of the stuff throughout the day when you’re not busy.  clean the espresso machine during the 11am lull?  great until someone wants a latte at 11:15.  clearly i have plenty of down time that i’ve devoted to finding the most amazing craft ever for you all to read, but any cleaning i do before noon at the earliest just gets fucked up anyway.  there, now i feel better.  and back to the loving place.

this weekend anna and i had these plans to go to a movie and a trans party at the william way and be all "community" orriented, but both were so bad in a uncomfortable freshman orrientation way that we left.  somehow we ended up at an apartment with three gay men drinking pink elephants and listening to olivia newton john records until three am.  how do i get myself into these situations….

and now a link to the most amazing craft ever.  a hand-knit model of the human digestive system.

http://www.strangebuttrewe.com/knitgi.htm

i just had the stinkiest fuckin’ hippies in the shop.  i could smell them across the store and can still smell them 20 minutes later.  i’m all for peace and love, but i’m also for tipping, especially if i have to smell you.  also, ugly patchwork pants and body odor are stupid and i hate them.  take a shower, dudes.

you know, with all this extra time at work to play on the internet i thought i’d be able to update my website, write, blog, and all the sort.  turns out when you wake up at 6am and just make coffee and play on the internet all day you don’t really have much that’s interesting to talk about.  no matter.  i can still subject people to my unimportant thoughts on a regular basis, and no doubt plan to do so…

finally i’m joining the ranks of the employed.  i’ll be slingin’ latte’s at a coffee shop downstairs from where i live.  the commute is a bitch but what can you do.  all you folks in philly come visit me at jouvey java at 15th and south monday, wednesday, and friday from 7am-2pm.  i’ll hook you up.  to the rest of you, you don’t know what you’re missing. 

the nice thing about this gig, aside from the living upstairs is that i’m done early and i get to read or play on the computer when no one’s in here.  the bad thing is i usually don’t go to bed until 5am so getting up at 6am is a bit difficult, but i’m working on it.  i’m hopping i’ll be able to make enough to get a studio and make some new work. 

anyway, enough mindless ramblings.  too much caffine, not enough sleep…

so you see, the stage has been set for fun in the sun, queer art style. please forward this information to anyone and everyone who might be interested. i’d like to get as many people out as possible to this impromptu temporary art experiment and experience. so, invite your friends and make the treck. you’ll be glad you did.